


All Our Love

by lovalovaolivia



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, POV Niall, POV Niall Horan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 09:30:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12056115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovalovaolivia/pseuds/lovalovaolivia
Summary: Harry and Louis run away to be with each other, leaving Niall to reflect on their relationship and his regrets.





	All Our Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little oneshot I wrote one night, I really hope you enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: There are two very brief mentions of suicide, but neither are graphic or heavily expanded upon.

_It was only a matter of time,_ Niall thought bitterly. _It was only a matter of fucking time until this would happen._

Police. Management. Liam. Executives. Simon. Families.

All gathered in the same location: Harry and Louis’ apartment. Or, old apartment, to be specific.

“Are you sure they never told you?” Simon asked Liam, his grip tight on Liam’s collarbone.

“I’m positive,” Liam croaked. “They didn’t speak a word about this.”

Simon glared at Niall. Niall shrugged his shoulders. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“It’s not a matter if you had something to do with this!” Simon’s voice raised dramatically. “It’s whether or not they bloody told you what they were going to do!”

“No, they didn’t!” Niall yelled in protest. “They didn’t say anything to any of us!”

Niall and Simon had attracted the attention of everyone in the room. Simon’s eyes darted around before he straightened the front of his coat.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, whipping out his cell phone.

Liam looked at Niall, his face blank. Niall walked over to him and put a comforting arm around his shoulders.

“C’mon,” Niall whispered. He led Liam out of the living room and onto a small, private balcony the apartment boasted. It had a nice view of the London skyline, the Thames sparkling through a few gaps in the buildings.

There was nobody on the balcony. Everyone was huddled inside, buzzing with theories about what Harry and Louis had done. Niall sighed as he scratched his hair, trying to gather his thoughts himself. Liam rested his forearms on the railing, gazing out into the afternoon.

Niall was startled by Liam’s laugh. It began as a low chuckle, only a few beats long. But then it grew in intensity and volume, until Liam was red in the face and shaking his head.

“What?” Niall demanded. “This isn’t exactly comedy, Liam.”

“Can you believe them?” Liam asked, ignoring Niall’s remark. “This is their craziest stunt yet.”

He burst into another peal of laughter. Niall snorted once, and before he knew it he had begun cackling, too. Perhaps it was his body burning off the anxiety that had gathered over the past few hours, but it felt wonderful to laugh.

After a while the giggles had faded, leaving them in a much more comfortable silence. Niall joined Liam’s perch on the railing, observing the shadows the sun cast over the city.

“Simon’s going to find them,” Niall murmured.

“No, he’s not,” Liam replied airily. Niall cocked an eyebrow.

“Do you know something I don’t?”

“No, no,” Liam replied quickly. “I truly don’t know anything… do you?”

“No, I don’t,” Niall frowned. “And what do you mean Simon’s not going to find them?”

“We would’ve found them by now. They’ve obviously planned this,” Liam pointed out. “They might’ve been planning this for months. A year, even.”

“Without anyone finding out?” Niall quipped. “It’s impossible.”

“Obviously not.” Liam smiled to himself. “Modest has all of our credit card information. If they paid for anything on a card, we would know where they are. The police wouldn’t be here. That means that they’ve done everything with cash. And it costs a lot for people to be discreet. Saving up like that must have taken a while.”

Niall tried to follow Liam’s logic. It seemed reasonable enough, except the absurdity of the situation was outweighing everything else in Niall’s mind.

“When you texted me I thought it was a joke,” Niall mused.

“When Anne called me _I_ thought it was a joke,” Liam agreed.

Niall thought back to the text. It was straightforward - Liam just telling him that Harry and Louis had gone missing. At first Niall supposed that they had gone for a simple vacation and they would be back soon. Unfortunately, nothing about what followed was simple.

Niall had texted back, commenting how brave he thought Harry and Louis were for taking unscheduled time off together. But he knew that something was up when Simon called, angrier than he had ever heard him, commanding that Niall meet him at Harry and Louis’ apartment.

And now, here they were.

“Did you read the note?” Liam checked.

“O’course,” Niall nodded.

When he reached Harry and Louis’ apartment, he realized why Simon had gotten as furious as he did. People were talking about a note and for one brief, devastating, terrifying moment Niall thought that Harry and Louis had committed suicide.

But they hadn’t. They had just run away.

 _Dear Everyone_ , the note started. (Written in Harry’s cursive, of course.)

_First, Louis and I would like to thank you all for the support. We would have never been able to get here without your help and guidance. You mean a great deal to us._

_Now we would like to ask: have you ever had a secret? A deep, dark secret that you’ve never wanted to tell? That’s what you might think Louis and I have. But there’s one difference. We’ve always wanted to tell._

_Our love is a secret that has been stolen from us. It’s been kept out of reach for so long, and now we see only one way to get it back. That’s why we have made the decision to escape - indefinitely._

_This was not an easy decision. We’ve talked and thought about it for a long time. We apologize to our friends and families who we wish with all our hearts we could’ve told about this. But we thought it was better if no one knew._

_Please tell the fans that we are sorry for our departure. But the love we have for each other is more than love we have for anything else. We ask that they find somewhere in their hearts to forgive us._

_By the time you read this we will hopefully have reached our destination. I’m sure you will try to find us, but I advise that you don’t._

_Please let us be free._

_All our love,_

_Harry and Louis_

When Niall had gotten a chance to read the note, he stared down at their signatures for what felt like an eternity. What the fuck had he just read?

He reread it twice before it was snatched out of his hands by a policeman and he was basically interrogated in the kitchen. Niall had nothing helpful to offer, and watched as others got a turn to read it.

Lottie started hysterically yelling at the police, ordering them to find her brother. Anne had sobbed for ten minutes, clutching the letter to her chest. The police had to take the letter carefully away from Simon as they were afraid he would tear it up in rage. Liam had scanned it over several times like Niall, his expression turning more incredulous the more times he read it.

No one knew where they had went.

Niall jerked out of his memories. Liam let out a breath and dragged his hands over his face.

“What do we do?” he wondered.

“I don’t know,” Niall replied honestly.

“We should do something.”

“It’s not like we can call them,” Niall snapped. It was true. Harry and Louis had left everything behind. Their cellphones, passports, IDs, and laptops had been left behind.

“I feel stupid standing here and not doing anything,” Liam shouted. Niall winced. “Sorry.”

“S’fine.” Niall swallowed thickly. “I get it.”

“Should we have done more?” Liam asked after a moment. Niall looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean, done more?”

“We didn’t help them against management.” Liam’s head was bowed, and he was twisting one of his rings around in thought. “We didn’t try that hard.”

“This isn’t our fault,” Niall hissed.

“I think it is!” Liam retorted. “I think it’s all of our faults.” Niall crossed his arms.

“Explain.”

“Simon and Modest fucked them. They put them in the closet and made them sign the contract. We were so young, Niall. We didn’t know what we were doing. They took advantage and that was fucked up.”

“I agree with that,” Niall said. “Go on.”

“Their families didn’t help,” Liam continued. “Let’s be real, Niall. They did their best to encourage them but we got famous.” Liam shut his eyes. “They had to deal with a bit more than two closeted sons, you know? I don’t blame them. A lot was put on their plate so quickly. Harry and Louis got lost in the storm.”

Niall’s heart was hammering. He felt a pit of dread sinking lower in his stomach the more that Liam kept talking.

 _Could Liam be right?_ Niall worried. _Did we all let Harry and Louis down?_

“And we didn’t do much,” Liam finished. He scuffed his shoe on the floor. “We didn’t speak up in the meetings. We didn’t back them up as much as we should’ve.”

“Our voices don’t mean shit to management!” Niall found himself screaming at Liam. “They would’ve laughed at us, like they laughed at Harry and Louis!”

“They were crying, Niall!” Liam sobbed. He had looked up from his feet and Niall saw tears streaming down Liam’s face, his cheeks blotchy. “We heard them both crying in their bunks when Lou had his first date with Eleanor. And we fucking sat there and pretended that we couldn’t hear them!”

Tears stung in Niall’s eyes. “It’s. Not. Our. Fucking. Fault.”

“It is,” Liam choked. “A little bit.”

Hot tears ran down Niall’s face. He dropped to the floor and hugged his knees to his chest. A part of him knew that he wouldn’t be feeling this guilty if Liam was wrong.

Liam sat down next to him. Niall hoped that they were done shouting at each other.

“We’re lucky that they only ran away,” Liam sniffled.

“Don’t.” Niall’s voice cracked.

There was something frightfully _real_ about the possibility of Harry and Louis killing themselves together. Their love was so passionate and tenacious, sometimes Niall wondered how they managed to survive being suffocated by it. To have something taking up that much of their hearts being stifled and shit on for so long… Niall could imagine the options Harry and Louis discussed.

“Liam?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we going to have to break up the band?”

Liam drew in a long breath. “I think so.”

“Don’t we still have time in our contract?”

“Do you think Harry and Louis gave a rat’s arse about the contract? Why should we anymore?”

Another knife ripped into Niall’s chest, although he was expecting the answer. Niall was quiet for a while before speaking again.

“You don’t think they’ll ever come back?” Niall bit his lip, fighting off another round of tears.

“I’d give it a decade,” Liam replied, sounding casual. But despite his tone, Niall could see the fear and pain in Liam’s eyes.

“A decade,” Niall repeated, awestruck.

“I figure by that time the news will have died down. The public will have become more accepting of the LGBT community. They might’ve gotten bored by then.”

“What if not in a decade?”

Liam twisted his mouth. “Then never, I guess.”

 _Never_. The word rang in Niall’s ears like a sour note.

“No One Direction anymore.” Niall’s voice sounded hollow in disbelief.

“I don’t think so.” Liam’s voice wobbled and he descended into a crying mess.

Niall hugged him close, trying to squeeze away the tiny whimpers he heard escaping Liam. He tried to keep the grip he had on his emotions, a difficult feat given that his hold was slipping away with the more revelations he and Liam went through.

“Hey, think about this,” Niall told Liam. “When they come back in a decade, we’ll put on a reunion tour. It’ll be our best tour yet. We’re going to put together a setlist of all our hits.” This idea seemed to soothe Liam. “We’ll have the craziest firework show anyone has ever seen. The fans are going to be so happy.”

Liam calmed down and looked as if he was going to add onto Niall’s fantasy when Lottie walked out. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her voice sounded raw when she spoke.

“How are you two doing?”

“Fine,” Niall lied. “How are you?”

“Fine. Mind if I sit?”

“Not at all.”

Lottie sat down across from Niall and Liam, crossing her legs. She adjusted the bun on top of her head before wiping under her eyes miserably.

“Did - did _they_ tell you anything?” she hiccuped.

“No,” Niall said dejectedly.

“Nothing,” Liam replied. Lottie’s shoulders sagged lower.

“I thought that if they would tell anyone it would be you two,” she sighed. “Where do you think they went?”

A list of places began to run through Niall’s head. He had been thinking of that very question for hours now.

They could’ve gone to a place that already had a meaning to them. Jamaica. Amsterdam. Wellington.

Or, more likely, Harry had done some research and found someplace completely new and undetectable. A farmhouse in Iowa. Rural northern Scotland. The fucking mountains in Peru for all Niall knew.

“I have no idea,” Liam said flatly. “They could’ve gone anywhere.”

“I bet it’s Holmes Chapel or something obvious,” Lottie grinned. The hope in her voice was detectable.

“I don’t think so,” Niall told her gently. “They’ve thought this out. It’s not going to be easy to find them.”

“Are you going to try and find them?” Lottie inquired in a hushed tone.

“I’m sure Simon is,” Niall spat.

The three sat in silence for a long time. They heard the muffled voices from inside frantically converse with each other. Liam was still leaned into Niall for support, and Niall wasn’t sure how he was ever going to let go.

But somehow he did. Simon called them in when they were ready to open the laptops. He insisted that Niall and Liam tell the police the passwords for them. Niall and Liam protested that they didn’t know them, but in the end it didn’t make a difference. Harry and Louis had wiped them completely clear.

It felt odd, standing in Harry and Louis apartment with so many other people. Niall was expecting to look over at the couch and find Louis playing Fifa, or walk into the kitchen and find Harry making dinner.

Everywhere he turned, old memories raced into Niall’s mind. The bookcase reminded him of when Zayn had accidentally knocked it over the first time they visited. The guest room where he had helped Liam pick out a new tattoo design. The bathroom where he had once walked in on Harry and Louis making out with their hands down each other’s pants.

While he was stalking around the apartment, he noticed something strange. Niall waved Liam over.

“Don’t you notice anything?” Niall asked, gesturing to the shelving unit near the television.

“No?” Liam made a face.

“They left everything Liam,” Niall explained. “Except for their pictures.”

Harry and Louis had taken all of the frames that graced their home. Pictures of their families, themselves, pets, and the band had all disappeared. A shadow of a smile crept onto Liam’s face.

“They did take them, didn’t they?”

“It means they’re going to miss us,” Niall said, mostly to himself. Liam caught his words.

“Of course they’re going to miss us.” Liam nudged his side fondly. He sidled closer to Niall. “I’ll bet we hear from them soon. We’re best mates and they trust us. Once they get settled I’m sure we’ll all talk again like nothing ever happened.”

Niall nodded. He hoped that Liam was right in reestablishing communication. But he doubted that things would ever return to normal.

Niall turned back to the living room. Simon was intently peering over the shoulder of an assistant he had seen around Modest before. She was typing rapidly into a laptop and an impressed look hit her features.

“They’ve been pulling out one hundred pounds a week from their accounts.” She traced her finger on the screen. “They’ve been doing it for ages.”

“Since when?” Simon barked.

“February 2012,” the woman replied softly.

Niall felt as if a ton of bricks had hit his chest. His mind straightaway thought of the infamous Paris interview that happened in February 2012. Harry and Louis were yelled at the entire plane ride home for that interview, where all the stars in the universe were in their eyes and they couldn’t hide their love even though they tried. It was beloved by the fans, rued by management. Liam actually stumbled back, as if the words had stunned his legs into not functioning.

“And this didn’t seem fishy to you?” Simon snarled.

“No, it didn’t,” the woman cried angrily. “We thought they made these withdrawals for spending money each week. This isn’t our fault!”

Niall’s heart sunk lower than it had been resting at before. The arguments were already starting, and he was sure they would be lasting for months to come.

Everyone was looking for someone else to blame. Niall decided that Liam had been correct. Everybody was at fault here.

“I think I’m going to head out,” Liam told Niall softly. “Not much more we can do here.”

“Sounds good,” Niall agreed.

They began to walk to the door. Niall wasn’t surprised when Simon called after them.

“Boys! We’re holding a meeting tomorrow at the London office to discuss the band,” Simon announced.

“What’s there to discuss?” Liam retorted.

“We need a plan,” Simon replied stonily. “A story for this.”

“There already is a story,” Niall piped up. “It's called the truth. We all fucked up because we didn’t take their love seriously. And now they’ve run away.” The room had silenced, watching the scene between the boys and Simon unfold. “It’s not that complicated.”

“You’re joking, Niall,” Simon sneered. “You don’t expect we’re going to go with that, do you?”

“How else can you explain Harry and Louis running away?” Liam bellowed. “They’re gone! The fans will notice that, and they’re going to notice if we give them a bullshit excuse.”

“The fans can’t know about Harry and Louis’ relationship,” Simon said matter-of-factly. “It’s not going to happen.”

“Are you that ignorant?” Liam breathed in disbelief. “Are you that blind to what’s going on?”

“The fans know, Simon,” Niall grimaced. “They’ve known for as long as we have about them.”

“Admitting that will ruin us,” Simon said staunchly.

“Look around, mate,” Liam told him gently. “You’re already ruined.”

Everyone in the room shifted uncomfortably. The sentiment was clear and true: it was too late.

“You’ve asked us to lie time and time again.” Niall shut his eyes and shuddered. “And we have. But we’re done. Harry and Louis aren’t lying anymore - Liam and I aren’t either.”

With that, Niall and Liam went on their way to the door. The silence was deafening as the door hinge noisily creaked open.

“What about the band?” Simon shouted.

“It’s over!” Liam hollered before slamming the door shut.

The hallway was cool and eery. Wordlessly, Niall and Liam walked together to the lift. They got in and Liam pressed the main floor button. The doors slid closed and Niall stared at his reflection in the mirrored walls.

 _Had we been as coldly indifferent as Liam said we were?_ Niall shivered. _Was I that ignorant to how they were feeling? Was I that ignorant since 2012? How could I not have seen this coming?_

The beards were hard on Harry and Louis, Niall knew. He had never seen Harry as low as he was when he “dated” Taylor Swift. He bawled his eyes out every time he had to do a pap walk with a stupid fucking toiletry bag in front of a hotel. Louis would hold it together for Harry, coaxing and coddling him until he left. Then, only once Harry was safely out of sight, Louis would cry, too.

The memory of Harry getting into the snowmobile accident nearly winded Niall right there in the lift. He had almost forgotten when Harry split open his chin on his and Taylor’s publicity-fueled skiing trip a week or so before Christmas. Harry was fine, but Louis was livid.

Louis had personally gone up to the Modest offices and screamed until his voice was gone. Then he had gone to Niall’s flat where Niall held him until his tears had run out, too. The only thing Niall remembered Louis saying from that night was him sobbing, “I told him not to go.” Over and over.

When Harry was back in Louis’ arms from the trip, they holed up in their house and Niall didn’t see them for days. In hindsight, it didn’t shock him that Taylor was out of the picture within another few weeks.

The doors dinged open, and they exited the lift. They sent a quick message to their drivers to pull up front from the garage. Amazingly, no paparazzi or fans were present in front of the flat. It was either a miracle that no one had caught on or Modest had shelled out a few thousand to keep them at bay.

Two black SUVs pulled up to the front. Niall and Liam left the building, lost in their thoughts.

“Niall?”

“Yeah?”

“We should write a statement,” Liam resolved.

“They’re already on it, I guarantee you,” Niall said, rolling his eyes.

“I said ‘we’,” Liam corrected him. “Not the entire team.”

“Just you and me?” Niall confirmed.

“Just you and me,” Liam nodded. “I think we should get it out there, especially before Modest. What truly happened.”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Niall grinned. “We should do it!”

“You write it,” Liam said, opening the door of his car and hopping in.

“Me?” Niall gaped at him. “Why me?”

“Because my spelling is shit,” Liam reminded him. “And besides, you’re more of a lyrics man. I write the melodies, remember?”

“I suppose,” Niall muttered.

“Send it to me when you’re done, and I’ll look over it,” Liam said. “We’ll post it everywhere. Instagram, Twitter, Facebook… the truth.”

“Alright,” Niall begrudgingly agreed.

“See you soon, Niall.”

Liam closed his door and his car pulled away. Niall sighed and got into his own car, and told the driver to go to his home. His mind was spinning with the task Liam had entrusted him to accomplish.

Niall wasn’t sure how much he wanted to explain. Should he include the note? Did he have to get into politics? How would even phrase this bombshell?

Niall walked into his flat wearily and kicked off his shoes. He opened his laptop and pulled open a new document. The white page looked unfriendly with the cursor blinking at him tauntingly.

After an hour of groaning, revising, and punching the wall, Niall had a statement.

_To All,_

_Today has been surreal. Liam and I woke up to find that our best mates, Harry and Louis have run away. We believe that you deserve to know why._

_Harry and Louis were two souls that were always made to be together. Their fates are intertwined. Their love is boundless. They are incapable of being separated. But that is exactly what people have tried to do._

_Our management had been trying to separate them from the beginning. They used every trick in the book, and I’m sure many of you already know what those tricks are. But they don’t work anymore._

_It truly comes as no surprise to Liam and I that Harry and Louis have found no other way to be together than to run away. They never told us they were going to run. We don’t know where they are. They left a note, and requested that you, our beloved fans, would find it somewhere in your hearts to forgive them._

_They do not want to be found._

_We ask that you join us as our thoughts and prayers go out to Harry and Louis. We hope for their love to endure and their travels to be safe._

_As you can imagine, One Direction has now reached its end. Liam and I cannot continue without them._

_To Harry and Louis: we love you. We’re rooting for you. If anyone can make it, it’s you two._

_Thank you for everything,_

_Niall Horan and Liam Payne_

Niall chewed on his thumbnail as he sent the email to Liam. Almost immediately, his phone rang.

“It’s brilliant,” Liam said as soon as he picked up. “It’s exactly what I was thinking.”

“Is it good?” Niall asked worriedly. “I didn’t go into that much detail. I didn’t even explain their story.”

“Maybe it’s not our story to tell,” Liam suggested.

“I dunno,” Niall frowned. “They’re not here to tell it.”

Liam’s line was quiet for a second. “Then we’ll tell it. You’re right. Simon is going to try and distort it.”

“So maybe I should add to it?”

“No,” Liam responded. “It’s only a matter of time until Modest comes out with their statement. I think we need to make sure ours is first.”

“If you think so.” Niall tried to sound confident.

“Niall, we have nothing but time to clarify everything,” Liam explained. “We need a good foundation to build on. You did what they asked in the letter, addressing the fans and all. We need to spread it, now.”

“Okay,” Niall relented. “Let’s do it. I’ll put it on the band’s Facebook page. You do the band’s Instagram and Twitter.”

“Don’t forget our personal ones as well,” Liam warned.

“I won’t.” Niall took a steadying breath. “Talk to you soon.”

Niall got to work, copying and pasting his statement into a new post. He hesitated before firmly pressing the publish button.

His phone began to light up with new notifications on Twitter. It looked as though Liam had started, too. He opened the Tweet and saw that Liam had screenshotted and cropped the email. Niall saved the picture to make sure that all their posts looked uniform.

He published the picture on his personal Instagram and Twitter, and pasted the statement again on his personal Facebook.

His phone was close to overheating, and it was getting increasingly harder to load things on it as his notifications were blowing up. Niall navigated to his Settings and turned off his push notifications and his phone was finally at peace.

Within another hour he had gotten close to a hundred emails, a few dozen calls, and a countless amount of texts. Some were from people he had only talked to once, others were from close friends like Ed Sheeran. Everyone was baffled, hurt, and oddly thrilled.

Niall laid in his bed that night trying to ignore the fact that Simon had likely contacted him numerous times. He felt slightly better when he realized that there was nothing left to threaten him with. That also made him feel slightly worse.

The story of Harry and Louis flashed in front of him as he tossed around, sleepless.

He recalled the day that Harry and Louis first came out to the band. They were playing footie on the rooftop deck of Zayn’s flat, when they had nervously cleared their throats between games and said they were making an announcement. To be honest, none of the other boys were taken aback by it, but rather jubilant that Harry and Louis had accepted themselves and were ready to come out. They had been so fucking happy that night, holding hands and kissing whenever they pleased. How young they had been.

He thought back to all the songs that Harry and Louis had brought into the studio. “If I Could Fly” should’ve been their first clue about Harry and Louis running away. It was a masterpiece, and Niall remembered seeing Harry and Louis hastily wiping their eyes while recording it. “Strong” was beautiful and poignant, and immediately a hit with the producers. They had pretended not to realize that “Home” had been a response to it.

Niall frowned and adjusted his pillow. Liam was right. There had been a lot of pretending when it came to Harry and Louis.

He remembered Rainbow Bondage Bear and Sugar Baby Bear. Harry and Louis were obsessed with them, and Niall could understand why. They had started out innocently enough, but soon Harry and Louis saw the power they could have with them. In the scheme of things, it wasn’t very much power at all. But for Harry and Louis, it was everything. The costumes, the pictures, the Twitter page, the special places onstage… Harry and Louis thought they were cheating the system. Niall supposes they did, in some sort of way.

He looked back fondly on September 28th. Harry and Louis weren’t officially married, but they had a beautiful commitment ceremony. Niall, Liam, and Zayn were related to something like groomsmen. Harry and Louis’ families were there for support, as well as a few trustworthy friends. There was an afterparty where Harry and Louis had a dance, followed by cake and champagne. It was fun to get dressed up and see the two of them with shining eyes as they spoke their vows.

Niall reminisced on the tiny things. The stuff that flew under the radar. The lyric changes that fans debated on. The rare item of clothing Harry and Louis would share. The interviews where Harry and Louis would answer _just right_ so they never actually denied anything. The colors blue and green. The fucking matching tattoos. The two week rule.

Looking at the individual components, it was easy to see why some people never got it. But it was the summation of them that made everything fall into place. It was wasn’t difficult to see how things had snowballed into where they were now.

Niall rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. His heart was a hurricane of emotions, and he wasn’t certain on when it would ever die down.

“I’m sorry, Harry and Louis,” he said into the night. “I’m sorry you had to do this. If I had to do it all over again, I -” Niall’s voice broke off. He swallowed and tried again. “I would be stronger. I would’ve helped more. I - I would’ve made sure it would never have gotten to this.” Niall thought that he had cried out all of his tears already, but more coursed down his cheeks and stained the collar of his pajama shirt. “I would’ve been a better friend. I’m sorry. I love you guys. I hope you’re okay.”

With that, Niall finally fell into sleep.


End file.
